Did I look like a whiner? I probably did. Wait… was I a whiner? Probably. Whatever… I hate myself.

I got the reply I was waiting for about Wednesday. They prefer digital. Now is this a good thing or a bad thing? I don’t know. I have a fear that I won’t actually have anything ready on Wednesday…

Anyway, as for the rest of today, what can I say? Je ressent une grande déception? Je suis fortement déçu? I have been totally kept outside the loop and had no idea what was happening.

(Not even Colette told me what happened on Friday—and she said she’d tell me when she sees me. Really unrelated to what happened today but it certainly contributed to what I felt.)

It might be irrational to feel this way, but I feel that the answer to one of these questions that have been nagging me since forever has been definitively settled today, and the answer is no, no, and no.

Why even bother then.

I can sense how Melody must have felt.

I will repair my book and then return it to room 205. There’s no point in caring about them any more.

I think my memory behaves like a finite order Markov process =P

But what Jacqueline says essentially amounts to: No, you might think you are dealing with a finite order Markov process, but all your nodes are actually annotated. You in fact have annotations tracing back to ROOT; you just aren’t aware of it.

Am I making sense? Probably no. I’ll need to worry about how to get myself ready for Wednesday. And it’s not looking pretty.

Some of her points seem to apply to me, but some of the assumed underlying causes do not seem to. I wonder why.

Professor Page says, if you are dealing with people with about the same level of (high) skill, the effects of luck will dominate. I don’t agree with some of what he says, but I think I can agree with this.

Just got an email like 10 minutes ago: my portfolio has been selected for review.

Now I’m scared. Because I never expected myself to actually make the cut. When they announced that they would only be reviewing 5 I thought I’d be just chatting outside (or something like that…).

I’m not ready for this.

First thought from yesterday: I guess I figured out why I had no memory of her: I never considered her a good teacher.

Second thought, from today: I’m finding myself very tired during practice. I suddenly realized that I can’t stand her negative comments. (Teachers are supposed to know this, right? Strange.) They make me feel scared. How can making people feel scared improve anything – especially when the most-heard suggestion to improve things is to smile? I just don’t get it.

NLP PA6 progressing well (probably time to stop working on it and just do more urgent things – it’s already submitted after all). Deadline for Models quiz 8 pushed back another week. NLP PA7 is supposed to be easy (though I have a ton of lectures to catch up). I think this week I’ll finally get back to some semblance of normalcy…

Tax deadline tomorrow, and I doubt I’ll make it. But then I suppose I don’t really need to worry about it given the situation =P